by Donna Waylene Moore
with apologies to Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, James Whale,
Tchaikovsky, Bob Dylan and Ian Anderson.
Scene: opens on a laboratory in Dr. Frankenstein’s castle. Everything is black and white as in a film. There are lots of beakers, and jars of slimy things, all about.
The stage is dark. We see Igor enter. He goes to the center of the stage and begins lighting candles and starts sweeping up the lab.
There is music, the dance of the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES from The Nutcracker. Slowly, one by one the sugar plum fairies begin to appear from their various hiding places in the lab. They are the only color—wearing geisha masks. They begin dancing to the music as soon as they enter. For a while Igor ignores them, until one takes his hand and he begins dancing as well. They end their dance in a "chorus line" at the center of the stage.
A door opens, pouring light into the lab. The fairies return quickly to their hiding places. Igor reaches for his broom as Dr. Pretorius enters. All the actors are wearing white face.
Dr. Pretorius: I am looking for the good doctor. Is he here?
Igor: No sir, Frankenstein retired hours ago, and cannot be disturbed.
and it is impetuous...
Dr. Pretorius: (removing his hat and coat and taking a seat at the table that is center stage) From what I understand, the good man is nothing, if not "disturbed," Please summon him, I have news of the utmost importance, that simply cannot wait for tomorrow. Be a dear and wake him. I shall wait for him here.
Igor: The Missus won't like it!
Dr. Pretorius: Tsk, tsk, my good man, if the progress of Science was based on "what women liked" we'd hardly be more than savages now would we? Summon the Doctor and lets not discuss it. I shall wait for him here.
Igor leaves reluctantly, looking back at the Doctor, and literally dragging one foot. The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES peek out of their hiding places and look quizzically at each other. Once Igor has exited the stage, the Doctor stands excitedly, and the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES quickly hide their faces.
Dr. Pretorius: [in a loud whisper] Clyde! Clyde! Are you there? Show yourself, my good man. You are about to witness history in the making—the seminal germ. The creation of a new generation. A generation that I, your humble genius, shall bring to fruition!
We owe it to the future to be certain that all of this is accurately documented. Future generations will want to hear of this night.
During the Doctor’s tirade, a young man, dressed in too tight of a suit, and carrying a stenographers pad, enters the stage opposite the exit Igor has made. He looks about in a bewildered fashion and makes his way to the table where Dr. Pretorius is seated, obviously frightened. He is wearing a hat with a card saying "press." He says not a word, but scribbles on his pad periodically.
The Doctor continues to pontificate…
Dr. Pretorius: My good man, be absolutely certain to take down every word. History must be preserved and it falls on yr shoulders to be the man to see that it is done.
The door opens loudly and we hear high heels approaching quickly. Clyde looks nervously about for a place to hide.
Dr. Pretorius: Quickly, quickly—this way
The Doctor takes Clyde’s shoulders and pushes him to the back of the stage, and as he turns to face the oncoming footsteps, we see Clyde surprised to find a SUGAR PLUM FAERIES who leans out her head, takes him by the lapel, kisses him square on the mouth and pulls him into her hiding place.
Mrs. Frankenstein, wearing a white, feather-trimmed peignoir and heels enters angrily and approaches the Doctor, arms folded over her chest.
As the conversation between them progresses, we see Clyde’s and the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES things start to fly out.
Mrs. Frankenstein: It is you, Dr. Pretorius. How many times do I have to tell you that you are not welcome here. My husband has had a terrible experience, that I daresay you have had your part in. He is not well and he cannot and will not see you.
Dr. Pretorius: And how many times must I tell you, Mrs. Frankenstein, that pretty pink undies and lace stockings cannot impede the progress of the Sciences?
Mrs. Frankenstein: [quite angry, she stands on one hip, which exposes one of her thighs] Really, doctor. You go too far!
Dr. Pretorius: I think not, Mrs. Frankenstein. I have barely begun to scratch the surface, and I need your husband's assistance to complete my project. You may have temporarily intoxicated him with your perfumes and your soft thighs, which I may add are quite fine, but his mind must return to the pursuit of his life's work. I am afraid there is nothing you can do to prevent this.
Mrs. Frankenstein: We'll see about that. My husband and I are leaving for Saskatchewan tomorrow and we shall not return here. So please take yourself and your lewd comments and leave my house!
Slowly, as if in a daze, we see Dr. Frankenstein enter the stage, wringing his hands and still wearing his night clothes. He is disheveled.
His wife turns and takes one of his hands and begins stroking him like a child.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Oh, my poor dear. We've awakened you. There is nothing here. The Doctor was just leaving. Please come back to bed.
Frankenstein: Is that you, Dr. Pretorius? My old teacher?
We see Clyde, on his hands and knees, exit his hiding place, gather his clothes and steno pad and attempt to write a few words as he seeks out a new hiding place. Just as he is about to, a second SUGAR PLUM FAERIE leans out grabs his arm and pulls him in.
Again we see his articles begin to fly out.
Dr. Pretorius: Why, yes it is, and I have come here on a matter of the utmost importance. Have a seat and we shall discuss it straightway.
Mrs. Frankenstein: No, darling, you must rest. You've had a bad experience and this will only remind you of it.
Frankenstein: But we mustn't be rude to our guest. Go back to bed, darling, I will join you there shortly.
Dr. Pretorius: Yes, my dear. I shan't keep him long and will return him to your enchanting spells in no time at all.
Reluctantly Mrs. Frankenstein is encouraged towards the exit by her husband, until finally she gathers her robe about her and with one last glaring look at Dr. Pretorius marches out.
Dr. Pretorius: Well, thank God that's done, she's a charming girl but really, her attitude towards Science is nothing but superstition, and twice told tales.
Frankenstein: You mustn't be so hard on her, Dr. Pretorius, she is concerned for my health, and she fears the dark influences of my... uh... recent experiences.
Dr. Pretorius: Oh, come my boy. I know all about your recent experiences… Let’s not pretend otherwise—I know was you created the creature now roaming the countryside—and I know you did it, from the corpses of men…
Dr. Frankenstein gasps as if to object, and then falls back weakly…
Frankenstein: Yes… it was me… but however did you guess?
Dr. Pretorius: Oh, come, my dear pupil, does the teacher not understand the student? Did you not imagine I would know in what direction your questions would lead you, the reasons for your curiosity?
Frankenstein: All the same, I don't wish to speak of it. This experiment has not been what I thought it would be.
Dr. Pretorius: And what did you think it would be, my dear boy? Are you so naive to think of usurping God, and paying no price?
Frankenstein: I cannot help but believe that God knew more of the consequence of his actions. I thought no more than to create a life. who could have guessed what it would be?
[growing more serious] professes—love for me…I dare to say—it loves me…worships me—as a God…
Dr. Pretorius: [incredulous] And this displeases you!
You have created a life.. a life that exalts you as the master of all being—and you are not enthralled with this power?
Frankenstein: It isn't what you think… it is not a power. The creature has its own will… it does not take my command—it has its own mind…
Dr. Pretorius: Clearly you do not know how to wield your own sword. I find it hard to believe that you cannot control your own creation.
But this is why I have come, to assist you in these endeavors. In many ways I am not the scientist you are… my studies are more…intellectual, more analytical.
Where I have learned to control, you have learned to create…
I propose that we join forces, that you share with me your secrets. Together we can know success…
Frankenstein: No, no. This is something I must give up. Indeed should never have begun. It has nearly destroyed my life—and to be honest I pray for news that the monster has been discovered and destroyed. I shall not have a peaceful night until I hear this…
Dr. Pretorius: You are not thinking clearly…
Frankenstein: I am thinking quite clearly—this experiment has been a tragedy. I shall not repeat it, nor tempt further disfavor with God by sharing knowledge of it with any such as yourself.
It is true I have tremendous respect for you as a scientist—but it is your teaching that has led me on this path…
I will not condemn you to the fate you inspired in me…
You must leave my house and not return.
I myself am leaving, before the tragedy completes its painfully slow progress and leaves my life in complete ruin…
Dr. Pretorius: I must beg you to reconsider. You have not had the time to…
Frankenstein: I have had all the time I require, and while I have no wish to be rude, truly you must leave. The hour grows late, and I must to bed.
Igor! Come here!
Igor: Yes, Master.
Frankenstein: I am returning to bed. Show the good doctor out…
Dr. Pretorius: Please… allow me to return tomorrow—with more time for discussion…
Frankenstein: The subject is closed and needs no further discussion. Please, Dr. Pretorius, allow us to remain friends and colleagues and leave my home.
Dr. Frankenstein exits abruptly, leaving Dr. Pretorius alone with Igor.
Igor: This way, Doctor…
Dr. Pretorius: I need a moment more…
Igor: As you wish…
Igor shuffles off, singing lines from Aqualung loudly as he goes
Clyde emerges from the dark recesses of the Doctor's lab, gathering his hat and his articles of clothing and the loose sheets from his steno pad.
Dr. Pretorius:(not noticing any of Clyde’s difficulties) did you get all of that, Clyde? That was the very sort of thing that must be preserved…
his ardor, his reluctance…
his admission of his success…not to mention my impassioned plea for the continued progress of Science!
I trust you missed not a word?
Dr. Pretorius grabs Clyde’s steno pad, shuffles thru it quickly, then begins pacing thru the lab, looking at each of the objects there with tremendous curiosity. Clyde continues to adjust his clothing, and tries to retrieve his steno pad, narrowly averting the Doctor's sweeping arm gestures as he pontificates….
Dr. Pretorius: I hope you have made notation of each of the fascinating objects in this room—who is to say that the secret is not held in one of these experiments…
Together Clyde and Pretorius explore the laboratory. They hear Igor returning to the lab and Clyde attempts to hide behind Dr. Pretorius, which is ridiculous. Igor ignores him entirely.
Igor: It is time to go, Doctor.
Dr. Pretorius: Very well… but I shall be back…
I know my way out—please do not bother…
Dr. Pretorius and Clyde make a clumsy exit and the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES emerge from their hiding places in the lab, adjusting their disheveled clothes. They surround Igor, clutching their breasts, concerned at what they have heard.
Igor: Oh, come now… I know you are upset…
but really—everything will be fine. Perhaps this Pretorius fellow will bring the good doctor back to us, in a way…
The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES shake their heads and express objection in pantomime.
Igor: Perhaps you are right—why don’t you follow them and report back. It is a good idea to keep an eye on those two.
The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES make their way in the direction of the Doctor and Clyde's exit, leaving Igor alone on the stage.
Scene: The bedroom of the Frankenstein’s.
Mrs. Frankenstein is sitting at her vanity brushing her hair and the Doctor enters tiredly…
Mrs. Frankenstein: Is he gone?
Frankenstein: Yes, he is gone. Hopefully, never to return.
Mrs. Frankenstein: [after an uncomfortable silence] Why did he come here, darling? What does he want?
Dr. Frankenstein walks to the bed and sits on the edge.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Has he convinced you to continue your experiments?
Frankenstein: No, no. I have no intention of continuing…
I have begun a new life. The old one is behind me…
Mrs. Frankenstein: This is what you want, isn’t it my darling? For us to go to Saskatchewan, and to start an new life and a family?
Frankenstein: Of course it is.
Mrs. Frankenstein: You won’t miss your life here? The experiments and the excitement of…discovery? You would be happy as a mere doctor? Simply curing the sick? Can you be…an ordinary man?
Frankenstein: I shall be more than happy to be an ordinary man, and to live without…discovery…
Mrs. Frankenstein: You have never told me that much about your work, darling. What is it…exactly… that you have been doing here? All those nights alone in your lab, never answering my calls.
You know what the villagers have been saying…
Frankenstein: I try not to listen to what the villagers have been saying—it depresses me too much for them to think I had anything to do with that “creature,” that “monster…”
It is simply that they do not understand the work of a scientist—it is mysterious to them—my nights… alone…
Mrs. Frankenstein: Then you were alone? There was no one with you?
Once, when I came, and Igor let me in, I stood at the door of your lab, and I thought I heard…another voice—a woman’s voice…
Frankenstein: You are…jealous?
Mrs. Frankenstein: I am… concerned…that you will miss the life you were so intent on living…perhaps I am a little jealous of the fascination you had—with that life…
Frankenstein: The fascination I had has been fulfilled. There is nothing left to discover in that life, and I look forward to another life—with you…
Mrs. Frankenstein: O.. my darling…
[goes to caress him] You look so tired…
Frankenstein: I feel so… old.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Saskatchewan will change that, sweetheart. Sleep. You have had an exhausting night with that terrible man’s visit…
Frankenstein: Yes. I shall sleep…
Mrs. Frankenstein: Yes, my darling…
Frankenstein falls back into the bed, exhausted. Mrs. Frankenstein tucks him in tenderly then sadly returns to her mirror and to brushing her hair.
Scene: The Mausoleum. We see Dr. Pretorius and Clyde enter. A slab is prepared with wine, candles etc. We see the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES make their way to watch in secret.
As Dr. Pretorius pours wine he manages to jolt and deter Clyde from actually having any, and finally even manages to spill the glass right out of his hands altogether.
Dr. Pretorius: I am starving. Here Clyde, would you like a glass of wine? I know you don’t generally drink, but this is a special occasion.
What a lovely room—I mean, really… It is a shame that such splendor is created only for the pleasure of the dead.
Pours the wine and holds glass as if to toast.
Dr. Pretorius: A toast then, my boy—to life and to death.
At just this moment the Monster emerges nosily and ceremoniously from the slab tomb. Dr. Pretorius stands enraptured and Clyde heads for the hills and straight into the clutches of the sugar plum faeries.
There is generally a repeat of the scene in the laboratory.
Monster: Who are you that disturbs my sleep?
Dr. Pretorius: Perhaps I could offer you a glass of wine? A cigarette? Are you hungry? We could send Clyde--[looking about him] well, we seem to have lost Clyde…but he’ll be back. Chinese? Italian? We could have a pizza delivered…
Monster: Who are you?
Dr. Pretorius: Well, the question of the century, my dear, is who are you? Though I suppose I know the answer to that. You are the monster that the countryside is searching to discover, are you not?
Monster: I am well aware of my own identity. It is yours that I question.
Dr. Pretorius: I, am Dr. Alphonse Pretorius of Alfred Peabody University. I attained my degree in Amelionics from Janus University in Arkham, Massachusetts. I served a five year apprenticeship with Mssr. Snick, world renown inventor
of the oscillating overthruster. I won the prestigious Colby Award three years running and was named honorary chairman of the Pius Pious II Foundation for the advancement in the study of artificial intelligence. I receive a grant —annually —from the Pookus Schubert Society. I am fluent in 347 languages, functional in 564, and honored as a chieftain in a little known colony of ancient Mu. I am close friend and correspondent with the illustrious Dr. Bondo Alabaster PhD.D.
And I dabble occasionally in origami, though I hesitate to mention it…
Monster: I am impressed. I myself have never attained a degree.
Dr. Pretorius: [pouring a glass of wine and lighting a cigarette for the monster] …and what shall I call you? I feel positively rude referring to you as the “monster.”
Monster: [accepting the wine and the cigarette] I am afraid I have no other name. My… father… did not see fit to give me one, and I have yet to choose one for myself.
[looking about nervously]
I trust none of the villagers have followed you here. They have given me the devil of a time. I am afraid they will never let me be.
Dr. Pretorius: No one has followed us here. Clyde, my biographer, is with me, as much as Clyde can be anywhere —he is an excellent correspondent, but a bit inexperienced with… the demands of Science.
Monster: Is that how you see me? A scientific curiosity? An experiment gone bad?
The monster and Dr. Pretorius sit and drink and smoke, like two denizens of a night club.
Dr. Pretorius: Oh no, my dear. I see you as the future, the future of all humanity. Perhaps your…father…did not understand you. Did not understand how important you are. That’s the way it is sometimes in…families. While it may be true that you have no degrees, I detect a considerable intellect, and I daresay I find you most…intriguing…and at the risk of being too bold…astoundingly beautiful…
Dr. Pretorius bends as if to kiss the monster, who for a moment seems to accept the kiss, but then jumps from its seat and moves away.
Monster: Really, Dr. Pretorius. We barely know each other, and have just met. Perhaps you should tell me why you are here. What are you doing here? Were you seeking me, like one of the villagers? Do you desire my destruction?
Dr. Pretorius: No, no, my dear. I desire that the whole world celebrate your existence. And I can help you. I thought no such fortune as to actually find you. And I never dreamed of finding you so…delightful.
Monster: Your words are kind, but you must forgive me for having suspicions. And…love has not been…kind to me.
Dr. Pretorius: [moving closer to the monster] If there is anything I can do to help you…
Monster: But what do you want in return, and what exactly is it that you offer? Obviously, you have something in mind, and I fail to see how this is actually any of your concern…
Dr. Pretorius: [coming within inches of the monster] I know that your heart is broken, and I think that I know why… It is because of this…this…wife, is it not?
Monster: [stiffening] Whatever do you mean?
Dr. Pretorius: This is a delicate subject. Please do not think that I am not aware of that—but if I am to help you, I must be able to speak plainly. More wine?
[taking the bottle and pouring] California 1996.
Monster: …yes…a little…
Dr. Pretorius: You are in love. A remarkable creature, in love with a remarkable creator…father… whatever…
He has rejected you—turned you out—or perhaps, you left?
Monster: I am sometimes confused as to exactly what happened.
Did I leave? Was I pushed out?
I cannot go back, and yet—I cannot leave.
Dr. Pretorius: What is it that you wish, my dear?
Monster: [sighing] Another cigarette, if you have one…
Dr. Pretorius: I have an endless supply. Here, allow me… [lights the cigarette]
But tell me—you wish something from the good doctor Frankenstein, besides that he has just married and plans to change residence? Did you know that he is moving away? Leaving for Saskatchewan tomorrow with his lovely bride?
Monster: [in a trance-like state] Is she… lovely?
Dr. Pretorius: Oh, indeed…
[sensing that he has said the wrong thing]…but nothing like you, my dear…you are…so much more…intriguing. He has been distracted from his real work—and it is this that I wish to discuss with you…
Monster: [suddenly animated] He is leaving? For another country? Taking her with him, and leaving me here to the villagers?
Dr. Pretorius: Yes, yes! Leaving—in the morning, without so much as a how-do-you-do…leaving his life here, leaving his work unfinished----leaving—you…
Monster: But he loves…his work…
Dr. Pretorius: She has intoxicated him.
Monster: What can I do?
Dr. Pretorius: I know just the thing—
Dr. Pretorius begins whispering conspiratorially to the monster, who listens with great interest. The audience can hear nothing of their conversation. At times the monster seems to refuse, but is drawn back into the Doctor’s words…
We see Clyde crawl out from his hiding place as the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES become more focused trying to hear the Doctor's whispering, almost exposing themselves and finally crawling out and sitting at the Doctor’s feet. Clyde finds his steno pad and starts scribbling.
The lights go down.
When the lights come up again, we see Mrs. Frankenstein standing outside her house with a wrap, looking at the stars. She is alone.
Mrs. Frankenstein: What a dreadful night. Soon I will be away from here, with my beloved beside me. This has been a nightmare.
Igor approaches. He has been watching for the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES and is surprised to find Mrs. Frankenstein outside.
Igor: What are you doing out here, Missus. It is dangerous. Have you heard nothing of the beast that roams the countryside?
Mrs. Frankenstein: I am going back inside. I only wanted a glimpse of the night sky once more outside this castle—before I leave it forever…
Igor: [nervously looking about for the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES] It could appear at any moment…
Mrs. Frankenstein: How long have you been with my husband? Twenty years?
Igor: His whole life, Missus. I used to sleep under his crib, when he was but an infant.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Have you ever known him to be… happy?
Igor: Happy, Missus?
Mrs. Frankenstein: Yes, happy.
Igor: I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Missus. But please go back inside—it isn’t safe out here. Someone could come by at any time—someone up to no good.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Tell me, Igor. In all the nights my husband was locked away in his laboratory, was there ever anyone with him?
Igor: [frustrated]…not a living thing, ever, but you must go inside…
Mrs. Frankenstein: [dissatisfied with his answer] leave me, Igor—I will not be but a moment. Go inside and see if the bags are ready in the hallway. We are leaving early, and I want no delays.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Go! I am perfectly safe. I am not so fragile as I might look…
Igor: Very well, Missus...but I shall return in a few minutes to see about you.
Igor shuffles off, checking behind everything in his path, and making his way back into the house. Mrs. Frankenstein stands as if suddenly chilled and is startled by a sudden noise.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Who is there? Show yourself. I am not alone—my…my husband is with me…
The monster appears and Mrs. Frankenstein is too surprised to scream. She stands like a statue. For a few moments the monster looks at her, and reaches out a finger to stroke her cheek, and then as if suddenly enraged, grabs her and throws her over its shoulder.
The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES are just behind and gather at the spot they have left. Igor returns, singing.
Igor: She is gone back into the house?
I must awaken the Master…
Igor returns to the house and the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES follow close behind. One of them is carrying some of Clyde’s yellow sheets of paper. She stops at the door, reading, then clutches the papers to her breast.
One of her sisters reaches out, grabs her and pulls her inside.
Scene: The Masoleum. The Monster is carrying Mrs. Frankenstein. Mrs. Frankenstein is moaning and sobbing uncontrollably. The Monster throws her on the slab.
Mrs. Frankenstein: …you…you are the creature everyone has been talking about…why do you bring me here? What do you want?
Monster: I want nothing from you…
Mrs. Frankenstein: …you…you…speak?
Monster: Did you think I could only grunt and howl at the moon? Is that what he told you?
Mrs. Frankenstein: He, who? What are you talking about?
Monster: Know him? Do you mean to tell me that he never mentioned me to you?
Mrs. Frankenstein stares at the monster mutely, but with tremendous curiosity. Her fear seems much less. She gathers her gown and sits up…
Mrs. Frankenstein: You know my husband?
Monster: Know him? Do you mean to tell me that he never mentioned me to you?
Suddenly it is the monster who is filled with fear, and the Monster and Mrs. Frankenstein change places physically…
Mrs. Frankenstein: He has never mentioned you, except to say that you were an abomination—a mistake of nature—that you had to be destroyed for the sake of the rest of humanity, though he felt pity for such a malformed creature…
Monster: That’s what he said? That I was a mistake of nature?
Mrs. Frankenstein: And, well…aren’t you?
The monster begins to howl and to sob uncontrollably, and even Mrs. Frankenstein feels pity, and moves to comfort the creature. When she moves towards it, it starts up and moves away from her.
Monster: Perhaps you misunderstand my tears…
The Monster opens its coat, towards Mrs. Frankenstein, in a defiant gesture- this is not directed towards the audience, but to Mrs. Frankenstein alone…she recoils in horror. The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES begin, as the creature speaks, to examine parts of their bodies, and each others, from the place they sit on the ground.
Mrs. Frankenstein: What are you?
Monster: I am only what I was made to be, and by he who refuses to acknowledge it.
Do you see this breast? Does it look familiar to you?
This scar…haven’t you seen it before? When you played dress up with her, and she was so concerned to hide it? You remember?
And this hand, do you see it, with the pretty fingers, so long and graceful, that played the piano for you when you were sad? And how you have missed her?
Perhaps you have imagined her fingers on the keys when you felt lonely—don’t you see them now?
And this chin, so resolute…don’t you remember it, as she stood at the gallows, and it trembled slightly as the rope was tightened round her throat?
Mrs. Frankenstein: What are you trying to say?
Monster: I say nothing—I want you to look at what I am—does what you see say nothing?
Mrs. Frankenstein: (growing more uncomfortable)…but what you are saying is insane—what are talking about? These women are dead you speak of…and why do you mention them? …to hurt me?…to frighten me? I am frightened, and so does that please you?
Monster: It is not my desire to frighten you…I only wish you to look…
Mrs. Frankenstein, almost in tears, takes the monster’s hand and brings it to her face. Recognition forces her to throw it down, but after a moment she in a panic examines the scar on the monsters breast, and horror compels her to touch the scar and hurriedly the chin. She backs away from the monster almost falling on the ground. She stares at the monster, speechless…
The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES stop their self examination, and sit leaning towards the monster, waiting for a word. The monster closes up its garments and turns towards the audience. It is trembling, and says nothing…
Clyde begins busily and noisily scribbling in his pad.
There is an uncomfortable silence, except for Clyde’s scribbling…
Mrs. Frankenstein: You are…made from dead …things? Are you dead?
The Monster throws back its head, as if startled, and ceases trembling.
Clyde stops scribbling, leaning his head forward.
The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES huddle more closely.
Monster: (sadly)…in many ways…yes…
Abruptly, the Monster turns on its heels towards Mrs. Frankenstein.
Monster: Stay here. Please. You will be perfectly safe.
[turning to go, then turning back] There is nothing I can do to make you leave without him?
Mrs. Frankenstein stares mutely at the Monster, not comprehending anything that is being said at this point. The monster exits as Mrs. Frankenstein slumps back to the ground, and the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES gather round her, playing with her hair and feeling of her gown, etc.
Clyde follows the monster and they make their way to the outside door where Dr. Pretorius is waiting.
Dr. Pretorius: There you are…both of you—I was starting to worry. Do you have…the cargo?
Monster: The "cargo"? You call a woman cargo?
Dr. Pretorius: (tossing his hand by the wrist)…a bad choice of words perhaps… but this is not the point. You have Mrs. Frankenstein squared away?
Monster: Yes, she is safely "stored."
Dr. Pretorius: Fine, fine. Good job. This puts us ahead of the game. Perhaps it will not be necessary to play this trump card, but should we need to, we will have no difficulty…
Now, Clyde, come with me. We must find the good doctor, and entreat him again to divulge his secrets, and I will need you there, in case he reveals them.
You (speaking to the monster) follow close behind. If I need you I will call. The good doctor will not as yet wish to see you, and the news you hold the fate of his lovely bride may be just the thing to change his mind.
We see Igor at the side of the stage, having been listening to the conversation, as the others leave he approaches, watching them go, singing a few snatches of Aqualung…they are noisily leaving, Dr. Pretorius looking over Clyde’s shoulder at his scribbling, and fussing that he "must take very complete notes," the Monster lumbering loudly…none of them notices Igor.
Igor stands and shakes his head…
Igor: One should never break a genius’ heart…
Igor leaves the stage again singing snatches of Aqualung.
10 Minute Intermission
Scene: Outside the Castle. We hear the sound of a thunderstorm, and as lightening cracks, in a window in the distance we see [burying and un-burying] and SUGAR PLUM FAERIES thing….
Igor: I’ve been waiting for you…
The Doctor is beside himself…
Go and watch after him—I’m afraid of what he might do…
Dr. Pretorius: Well…well, my good man. I am here to see the Doctor. Please fetch him straightway…
Igor: The Doctor is indisposed. Perhaps you do not know that his wife is missing. I am going to fetch the Constable.
Dr. Pretorius: I don’t recommend that, my good man. Perhaps you should send for the Doctor, so that we might all discuss this like decent, civilized men.
Igor: I am afraid that is impossible. The Doctor has sent me to fetch the Constable, and this I shall do.
We see the Monster sneak past the group and into the house, as they continue arguing and even shouting.
Scene: The Frankensteins' bedroom. The Monster enters to find Frankenstein, with his head in his hands, still in his nightclothes.
The Monster stands a moment in silence, just gazing at him.
Finally, the Doctor, sensing its presence looks up and does not seem startled to see it.
Monster: You have nothing to say?
Dr. Frankenstein: Why have you come back here?
Monster: I never left, not really. I have been nearby. Have you missed me?
Dr. Frankenstein: [laughing faintly] what a ridiculous question…
Monster: I did not think it ridiculous, or I would not have asked…
Have you missed me?
Dr. Frankenstein: I have no answer for you, that you wish to hear. Is it true? You have taken my wife?
Monster: It is true. She is safe enough. That pompous Dr. Pretorius convinced me at a weak moment that I should listen to his ridiculous plan to put you back to work on the "secret of life" itself…
That’s him downstairs now, making all that racket with Igor, trying to convince him that he simply must see you. I’m to be called in case you won’t listen to reason.
Dr. Frankenstein: And what would "reason" be, pray tell?
Monster: I suppose the implication is that some harm would come to your wife—if you do not choose to help him with his insane plans…
Dr. Frankenstein: And what are your intentions?
Monster: I came here to talk to you alone.
Dr. Frankenstein: We are alone—what did you wish to say?
Monster: I had the most lovely dream, of two creatures making love on the beach. They had neither arms nor lips nor… but I get ahead of myself…
have you heard of the demon mermaid Griseus? She was one of the immortals, an "old one." She had lived in the sea for centuries. At one time she was seen frequently on land, but these times had grown short and far between.
Her powers were legendary, and a great gypsy magus became jealous of these legends and he captured Griseus. He took her to his castle, far above the rocky shores and restrained her with heavy chains, though she were only a tiny thing…right there in the main hall.
He kept there for weeks with neither food nor water —preparing to question her and to wrest her power from her.
Dr. Frankenstein: [irritated]…this is all dreadful nonsense…get to the point, what do mermaids and magicians have to do with any of this? Why there is no such thing as a mermaid…
Monster: [angrily] Why, only a year ago there were no such things as dead men being stitched together and walking the earth, my good doctor…
It isn’t good to be so feint of imagination…
But getting back to my story…
For some reason the magus believed that the secret to the mermaid’s power was in what she ingested. As long as he kept her there without nourishment, he believed she would reveal this in desperation.
But he misunderstood the mermaid’s resolve. The magus grew more and more irritated and resorted to more arcane methods of interrogation- removing Griseus’s fingers one by one, and then her hands, her arms, and her breasts in turn. None of this pain, nor these indignities compelled her to speak.
Dr. Frankenstein:…really, I ask you, what does the torture of this sea creature have to do with this….this story is most unpleasant, and I fail to see how it applies to this situation. Can’t you simply tell me what you want, and why you have come here?
Monster: But I am telling you. For someone patient enough to study cadavers and to rifle graves night after night—you can hear my story. And I am amazed that you could be squeamish after the atrocities you have committed…
Dr. Frankenstein: I committed "atrocities," as you say, on no living thing!
Monster: You imply that I do not live? You deny that?
Dr. Frankenstein: I don’t deny it, but you are a created life. God did not form you.
Monster: My point exactly, my good doctor…and this is why you will listen. What you have made is speaking to you—and you will listen…
Once again the Doctor falls back, covering his face with his hands.
Dr. Frankenstein: All right, I will listen, but please do get to the point….
Monster: I intend nothing less.
Now where was I? Oh, yes… the magus was waiting for pain, humiliation and the instinct to survive to force the mermaid to speak. She was immortal, Griseus, and facing eternity without freedom, chained in the magus’ castle. She had come to realize that she would never be able to escape her predicament, and she yet searched her mind for a way. She decided to tell the magus what she ate.
When she revealed to him that she was a vampyre, and ate only her own kind, even the cruel and beastly magus was shocked. It was inconceivable to him that a being would exist by cannibalizing his own. Even to gain the power the mermaid possessed, he was revolted to think of eating her flesh. And he was angry—cheated of the ability to gain her power, and in a fit of rage, smashed out her teeth.
"You will eat no more…I must think of a just end for you," he told her, and left her, revolted to be in the presence of such a creature, and suddenly bent on destroying what he had hoped once to possess.
He studied his ancient manuscripts and magical texts until he came upon a spell that pleased him, and he returned to the mermaid, there in the hall, calling all of his disciples to assist him.
"I have found one of your kind, and we shall summon him. Perhaps he will know what to do with a creature as foul as yourself."
He ordered his disciples to remove the lips of the mermaid and to gather her scattered teeth. He himself unchained her and she fell to the ground in a thud, unable to steady herself, and weak from the months of torture. The disciples gathered her and her chains and they made a procession out to the sea.
Dr. Frankenstein: This is almost ended I hope…
Monster: [sadly] Yes, it is almost ended.
They restrained the mermaid on rocks nearest the beach, chaining her once again. One of the disciples laid her brown lips and sharp teeth there beside her limbless torso.
It was almost dusk, and the light had a golden orange cast. The magus stood, legs apart on the beach, facing the sun as it went down and he began to recite, softly at first and then growing more animated, throwing his arms apart as well, and his head back as he cast his spell. The sea began to churn, and to sparkle, bubble and quake, and a huge eel, throwing arcs of electricity emerged from its depths.
The demon eel wasted not a moment and snatched the lips and teeth of the mermaid from the rocks. The magus looked triumphantly about him, feeling the tremendous power he had summoned and controlled. But something strange happened.
Dr. Frankenstein: [uncovering his eyes]…something strange?…really, you insult my intelligence…
The Monster and the Doctor lock eyes, until finally the Doctor again covers his face and slumps even further into his chair.
Monster: The demon eel stopped and stretched his head alongside the mermaid, relaxing his entire length. The magus began to shout, demanding that the creature consume the mermaid immediately, but the eel did not hear him.
"How have you come to be here?" the eel asked.
It is difficult for the mermaid to speak, but she tells him of her capture and her torment at the hands of the magus. The creature listens and caresses her moaning sympathy at her plight. The mermaid tells the eel how she has tricked the magus, lying to him about her source of nourishment, knowing he would never have believed the truth.
"But you have doomed me as well," said the eel sadly, and both of them begin to cry.
"It was not my intention," said the mermaid. "I believed he would eat me, so jealous he was of my power, and die himself. I would have never wished you any harm…you are the only one left of my kind, and I have never but loved you…"
Unknown to the magus, the flesh of such creatures was a deadly poison—and though immortal, they could be destroyed, but only by another such as themselves…
The two creatures caressed each other, as best two creatures with no arms nor lips could love, and the eel grew very grey and his electric sparks began to sizzle lifelessly across the rocks and the beach. The eel and mermaid whispered sweetly and just before the eel’s head fell lifeless from the rocks, he bit the mermaid below her ear, and she watched him, dying herself, fall back into the sea.
Dr. Frankenstein: How very sweet…So… I have heard your story.
Where does this leave us?
What do you want me to say?
Monster: The story is metaphorical—does it mean nothing to you?
Dr. Frankenstein: You were always the fanciful one…I am but a humble scientist…
Monster: You lie when you say you do not understand.
Why do you say that to me?
Dr. Frankenstein: I didn’t say I did not understand—but the truth is that it does not matter. I am leaving here and I have no intention of having anything else to do with you. Is there something about that you do not understand?
Monster: I…I don’t believe you…
Dr. Frankenstein: Believe me.
At this moment Igor comes rushing into the room with Pretorius and Clyde on his heels.
Igor: Master, Master—I cannot hold them at bay… this man and his…parrot…
Everyone seems surprised to find the monster there, but especially Clyde seems disturbed.
Frankenstein: I tire of this absurd intrigue. Go and fetch my wife at once. We have no further business and nothing to discuss, unless you would like to explain your ridiculous notions and various trespasses to the Constable.
Dr. Pretorius: Yeesss…indeed. I would very mush like to explain to the Constable and perhaps even to the villagers what has been happening here. I feel certain that the Constable would be most grateful to solve several mysteries at once—who was it cut down the hanged man—just exactly what has Dr. Frankenstein been up to in his bedeviled laboratory—what secrets should only God know…and you [to the Monster], I suspect the Constable would be most appreciative for the location of the monster that so worries his constituents.
I daresay the good man would be most grateful to me for my assistance. Igor! Fetch the Constable straightway!
Igor looks towards Frankenstein sheepishly, and everyone stands quietly for a moment.
Frankenstein: You have made your point. Igor, will you bring us some tea?
Dr. Pretorius: Aahhh… [taking a seat] a tea party. I hope you don’t mind that Clyde joins us. Have a seat, Clyde. Here beside me…
Igor leaves the room for tea and sends in the SUGAR PLUM FAERIES to serve it… Everyone, except for the monster, who stays standing, gathers at the table and are served tea.
Perform a "tea ceremony."
Dr. Pretorius: Really, Dr. Frankenstein…you cannot think it would be so easy to just dismiss me, not when I know you so well! And you! You thought to strike some separate bargain with the Doctor and leave me out? You are too clever for your own good, my dear. And, yes, impetuous, just as the good doctor warned me…
It will be your undoing…
Science demands rigor and discipline! Genius is simply not enough to bring your desires to life!
Frankenstein: What do you want from me? I have told you that I cannot help you.
Dr. Pretorius: And what of your wife? How will she feel to know who and what you are? To know that you would not protect her!
Frankenstein: You must not harm her—she more than anyone is innocent of all this and should not suffer…
[turning towards the Monster] please do not harm her. She is a most remarkable person and deserves happiness.
Monster: [incredulous] You believe I would harm her?
Frankenstein: You have taken her by force from her own home. What am I to think?
Monster: You…you do not understand…I only wished to see you alone, and I was…curious to see her…to understand how it could be that you might love her…that I might love her…
Dr. Pretorius: Ooohh…really! This sounds more like a lover’s quarrel than the conversation between a creator and his creation! Let’s get back to reality and to Science. I find all this romantic drivel ridiculous and misses the point entirely! The point is—I have you all over a barrel and I intend to take advantage of it and none of you have any choice but to do as I ask…
pass me a croissant please…
Frankenstein: So what is it that you ask?
Everyone turns to Dr. Pretorius, awaiting his word. Dr. Pretorius savors the moment.
Dr. Pretorius: Oh, you mean besides this most excellent tea, and this lovely croissant?
We will create another monster—this time with me at the helm, someone who knows how to…handle these difficult moments between children and their parents…between a lover and the object of… affection. You are perhaps a brilliant scientist, my good Frankenstein, but frankly—your lack of tenderness amazes me. You are so quick to give up what you want…
Monster: How dare you speak to him like that!!
Dr. Pretorius: Oh come now…it is said in your defense, is it not? And besides? Isn’t it the truth?
As soon as his hearts desire grows a bit beyond his expectations—he abandons rather than exploits it? Is this any way for a real scientist to behave? Science, like love, has her little surprises…
I will meet you all in the laboratory in one hour. Clyde and I have some preparations to make. I suggest that you instruct your man Igor to obtain for you all the necessary...materials…
And please do not concern yourself about Mrs. Frankenstein —either of you. She will be safe enough until this is taken care of.
Meanwhile—this has been a delightful tea party, and I hate to leave, but duty calls…
Clyde pokes his head out from behind the curtain.
Dr. Pretorius: Really, Clyde…but I do recommend that you stay here and keep an eye on the Doctor. I would hate to think he might do anything…rash-- [laughing] the thought is laughable, of course, but so is Clyde as a guard. And you [to the Monster], I suggest you assist the Doctor in his endeavors—he will perhaps need a…strong arm.
Scene: The mausoleum. Dr. Pretorius enters and finds Mrs. Frankenstein. She is sitting alone, holding her knees, lost in thought, but jumps up defiantly when she sees him.
Mrs. Frankenstein: You—you horrible man…is this your doing? To foil our plans to leave this dreadful place and to start a new life?
Dr. Pretorius: It is to foil nothing, my dear…if anything, this will bring your husband the recognition—he deserves…
Mrs. Frankenstein: And what would you know about what he deserves?
Dr. Pretorius: You have met the "monster?"
Mrs. Frankenstein: Yes…it brought me here—he, she, it…
Dr. Pretorius: And where, my dear, do you believe the monster came from? Did it spring from the head of its father? Or do you think perhaps it rolled out from behind some convenient rock? Might it have been delivered by some lost and moronic bird?
I ask you, my beauty…where do you believe this monster was born. How came it to be here?
Mrs. Frankenstein: I cannot believe that my husband had anything to do with such a travesty against God. I think you a more likely candidate for such irresponsible and blasphemous behavior!
Dr. Pretorius: Well, you are not wrong in thinking I have the courage for such business—this is true—but I have not the…talent.
Your husband has, on the other hand, the talent and no courage. It was he created this Monster…
Mrs. Frankenstein: I don’t believe you! The idea is preposterous!
Dr. Pretorius: Preposterous, perhaps, but true none the less…
And do you know how he did it? Robbing graves in the middle of the night—preserving bodies of the desecrated corpses in baths of Lysol? And when the time came, and his experiments with lesser creatures were successful, he dissected these bodies and stitched them together like some mad quilt into that ravishing creature we all now refer to as the "Monster."
Mrs. Frankenstein is quiet, absorbing the truth of what Pretorius is saying. She becomes more erect, more thoughtful and quiet.
Dr. Pretorius: Can’t you see it? You must have know some of these corpses when they were living—this is, after all, a rather small town—not that many fresh bodies for a resurrectionist to plunder.
Perhaps there are parts of the monster you recognize? Has he not constructed something that pleases his aesthetics? Do you not see his eye--no pun intended--in this creature?
Mrs. Frankenstein: And what is it you intend doing with me?
Dr. Pretorius: Actually, my dear, I would be most pleased to gather your bags from the hallway in your home and drive you to the train station.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Thank you. Perhaps you could bring me some clothes, so that I might dress for travel. I can hardly go like this…
Dr. Pretorius produces one of Mrs. Frankenstein’s bags, which she takes wearily…
Scene: The Frankensteins' bedroom, Clyde is behind the curtains with one of the sugar Plum Faeries.
Monster: What shall we do?
Frankenstein: Everything will be all right. You worry too much.
Monster: There is a way to foil the Doctor's plans…
Frankenstein: And that is?
Monster: For us to work together and not against each other.
Frankenstein: That is impossible.
Frankenstein: I think it would be best for you…to just leave. Leave here, leave me. Dr. Pretorius will only use you if you stay, and use you to hurt me, hurt my wife…
You cannot stay here, surely you see that…your presence here allows him to control the situation—using our fears against us.
Monster: But what about—how I feel?
Frankenstein: [laughing] Nothing can come of these feelings.
Monster: [growing angry] You have felt them too.
Frankenstein: I don’t deny that, but you must believe me. I have no intention of bringing you back into this house, and I will never acknowledge you to the villagers. I suppose we have only this Clyde to carry on with this tale—
Monster: Clyde? That buffoon boffing faeries behind the curtain? He is the one who will tell our story?
Frankenstein: [laughing to himself…]
Monster: You amaze me…
At this moment Dr. Pretorius appears. Clyde extricates himself from the curtains, and plops down on a chair, legs crossed and holding his pencil to his pad—as though he had been there all along.
Dr. Pretorius: Well, I trust you have had a good visit, and that your man Igor is hard at work preparing the lab?
Frankenstein: Yes, of course.
Dr. Pretorius: And you, Clyde, I assume you have had your ears open and have taken notice, yes?
All that is left is for us to restrain you, my dear.
Monster: Restrain me?
Dr. Pretorius: Yes, my dear, we can’t very well have you roaming about, or going off half cocked. If nothing else, one of the villagers might spy you and then all would be lost. At the very sight of you, people have a tendency to behave rather rashly and I shan’t risk this momentous occasion on the impetuous behavior of a lovesick monstrosity, such as yourself!
Come now…down to the lab…I noticed some rather interesting restraining devices. I imagine you might be familiar with them. Perhaps you would prefer I have Igor come up and fetch you?
Monster: [looking about as if for help] I refuse…
Frankenstein: [amused] Oh, come…it will be like… old times…
The monster gives Frankenstein a hateful look.
Dr. Pretorius: Yes—I shall accompany you, and leave Clyde here with the good doctor.
Please…take my arm…[to Frankenstein and to Clyde] We shan’t be but a moment…
With great dignity the monster surrenders its arm, while Dr. Pretorius goes on chatting aimlessly and they depart.
Scene: Back in the lab, the monster is restrained to a pillar, fairly subdued. We see Igor bustling about, making preparations, stopping to remove the panties from the inert mass underneath a bloody sheet at the center of the stage, making a show of stopping to fondle the monster and thinking better of it, at its reaction. The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES express jealousy and force him back to his chores each time…
The thunder storm continues outside, flashing lightening.
The doors open, throwing light into the lab and we see Dr. Pretorius, Clyde and Frankenstein. Everyone who can, makes a show of popping on rubber gloves.
Dr. Pretorius: Is everything prepared?
Frankenstein: As prepared as it can be on such short notice. I am afraid we did not have that many supplies on hand and while Igor is talented at ferreting out the recently buried--I am afraid he was able only to find this young creature.
[pulls off the sheet to reveal a nude body, lying on the slab]
Killed in an accident at the quarry…its head completely destroyed…and so its brain—but perhaps you do not wish your monster to have a brain, Dr. Pretorius?
Dr. Pretorius: Don’t be ridiculous. A brain is essential to the proper workings of a body…luckily, on a trip to the train station this evening I was able to locate this brain. [produces a brain] A stroke of good fortune.
Everyone stops and takes a serious look at what Dr. Pretorius is holding—everyone has their suspicions.
The SPF starting counting each other, just to be sure…the Monster, chained to the pillar seems particularly upset, and begins howling…
Frankenstein: And to whom did this brain belong prior to your fortunate discovery, Dr. Pretorius? Some hapless lass on her way to her grandmother’s house with a basket?
Dr. Pretorius: Nothing so dramatic as that my boy…some lovesick girl threw herself in front of the train. Lucky for us, the impact threw her head clear—an accident in reverse of this one…and our good fortune…
Frankenstein: [very upset, sadly, but with resolve] Nothing to be done about it now I suppose…Igor, prepare the bath, while I replace this leg—we do have one in storage?
Igor: Yes, Master…
Dr. Pretorius: Why—this looks like a perfectly good leg to me…[rubs his hand down the leg, stopping at the ankle]
Frankenstein: [removing Dr. Pretorius' hand from the ankle] This is why I am the Doctor, and you are merely an observer…this leg would never make it through the "process"…
Frankenstein begins sawing the leg and Igor brings him another.
Dr. Pretorius: What a shame…
Igor: [lecherously] yes…indeed…
Frankenstein: Please keep your minds on the task at hand. Igor, prepare the brain.
Igor: Yes, Master…
Frankenstein: And, you, Dr. Pretorius, if you could attach the electrodes, both here and here…and careful, Man. They must be placed perfectly.
Dr. Pretorius: This is how you have done it? It is this simple—a few body parts and a bit of electricity? That’s all there is to it?
Frankenstein: One mustn’t forget the twinkle in my eye, Dr. Pretorius—and my "solution…"
And don’t all discoveries look rather simple—having been made?
Dr. Pretorius: [watching Igor pour the solution over the brain from a tea pot] And the "solution.."
It's not really tea is it?
Igor: [laughing] Darjeeling…
Frankenstein: One certainly cannot fool you, Dr. Pretorius—actually, it is the ambiotic fluid of a rare but obtainable sea creature. An Etruscan eel. Certainly you learned of it when you studied Amelionics?
Dr. Pretorius: [somewhat embarrassed] Why.. yes, of course. How foolish of me not to have thought of it myself…
Clyde, you are taking all of this down, are you not?
Clyde begins scribbling again, keeping his eyes peeled for the Sugar Plum Faeries who continue to make moves on him.
Frankenstein continues to stitch and to assemble, over the body, as the storm seems to accelerate intensity.
Frankenstein: And we have a face for this creature, Igor. Something with lips?
Igor hands Frankenstein something in a box.
Frankenstein attaches this object, hands Igor the box and then recovers the body with the sheet.
Dr. Pretorius: Oh…lovely…
Frankenstein: We do what we can…
Dr. Pretorius: [excitedly] And what now?
Frankenstein: Now we wait and hope the electrodes are attached correctly. Once the lightening has been attracted to this rod…we shall see…
Dr. Pretorius: I don’t think I can contain my excitement…Clyde, Clyde! You must be here, right here…staring into the very face of creation…don’t be squeamish. This is what we have waited for…waited to see…you mustn’t miss a nuance!
The storm becomes furious, casting strange shadows on everything while everyone backs away from the body on the slab, though Dr. Pretorius continues to try to lean towards it.
A crack of thunder and then a lightening bolt ignites the electrodes. The body on the slab begins to vibrate. The monster howls.
Frankenstein moves quickly towards the body and detaches the electrodes.
Frankenstein: Quickly, Igor. The resuscitator!
Igor hands the Doctor some strange looking object, which the Doctor uses, then he pulls the sheet off the figure beneath it.
The body sits up, awkwardly, a naked woman wearing a geisha mask. She stands, then takes a pirouette.
Frankenstein: Behold, Pretorius…your creation.
For the first time in his life, Pretorius is speechless. He stands with his mouth open. Clyde on the other hand, walks up and takes the creatures hand, as though enraptured.
We see Mrs. Frankenstein appear with her bags at the door. She drops them and stares in amazement.
The Sugar Plum Faeries move quickly to clothe the creature and to rebuff Clyde’s attentions. The Monster howls piteously.
Frankenstein notices his wife, who he has thought dead and runs to her, falling to his knees before her, as though begging her mercy.
Frankenstein: [almost weeping] I thought you were dead…
Mrs. Frankenstein: And I did not know that you were…dead, I mean.
Is this what you have been doing?
Mrs. Frankenstein begins to wonder about the lab, towards the newly created creature. Everyone, including Pretorius, backs away from her approach.
She stops in front of the creature.
Mrs. Frankenstein: Claudette?
The creature takes another pirouette, and stops in front of Mrs. Frankenstein. Mrs. Frankenstein turns to her husband.
Mrs. Frankenstein: I came back for you.
Frankenstein: You left me?
Mrs. Frankenstein: Not before you left me…
Pretorius has had enough and stands forward, taking the creature’s arm.
Dr. Pretorius: [with disgust] Really, I have had enough of this frightful romantic nonsense. It has no place in Science! I have what I have come for, and I shall be most pleased to leave you all to your absurd fates…you should have remained at the train, my dear. There is nothing for you here but confusion…
[happily] I shall take this delightful child to my lab
as well as a bit of your "solution" and we shall see what comes!
Clyde! Grab that teapot and follow me!
As Dr. Pretorius moves towards the door, with the creature on his arm and Clyde with a teapot close behind, the Constable appears. Igor and the Sugar Plum Faeries scatter.
The lights reveal shadows of pitchforks and fire.
Constable: Forgive my intrusion, Missus, but I am here to arrest your husband, Dr. Frankenstein, for acts against God and Nature. And I shall be taking this… this…Monster as well. It is sorely in need of…burial.
In the confusion that follows, the howling monster is released from its bonds, and taken away—Frankenstein has shackles placed on him, and Dr. Pretorius and Clyde sneak out, with Claudette.
The lights go down.
When the lights come up, we see Igor in the lab, as before, sweeping up. He picks up Mrs. Frankenstein’s suitcase, opens it, and examines her undies with his nose.
He sings the entire song "Aqualung."
Igor: Are you still here?
It didn’t all turn out bad…
Clyde was able to sell his novel Bobbing for Sugar Plums, and is now living the good life at the Playboy Mansion.
The Sugar Plum Faeires all got jobs doing television commercials, no shortage of heads to dance in…
the Monster was finally returned to the various and sundry graves in which it belonged.
Frankenstein, when he finally got out of prison, got a job teaching Vivisection 101 at the local university, and took up origami.
Mrs. Frankenstein moved to Saskatchewan—she was the only really smart one.
The Constable was elected Burgomeister.
Dr. Pretorius has an entire family, now. Its what he always wanted.
…and Claudette? What can I say about Claudette wouldn’t come back to haunt me…?